It is useful, I think, to be able to examine your own feelings and thoughts, particularly to find the sources of stress in your life. My stress pretty much begins and ends with the good old job. I hate my job. There is scarcely a day that goes by where I don’t say that, and certainly not a day where I don’t think it. In a way though, when I say I hate my job I’m really saying I hate myself, or at least that I’m massively disgusted with myself. After all, I’ve been languishing there for 8 years now, hating and complaining.

And my place of work isn’t a bad company to work for by any means, but it’s retail. I work in the services area, but it’s still retail. For me, retail is fucking terrible. Hating my job because it’s retail is a bit like damning a cheeseburger because it isn’t a steak. The job is fine for what it is, but I want more out of it. It isn’t just the pay (though more would be nice). It’s hard sometimes, but we make ends meet and that would be more tolerable if my work was satisfying. I mean, I have in-laws that look at me like I’m something they scraped off of their shoe - this is largely because I don’t make a lot of money, with “I’m not a Manly Man” coming in a close second place. If you’re judging me on that criteria, I don’t give a shit what you think about me (or anything else, really). Ha! So there.

Now, I don’t believe that we were all put here for a reason. I don’t believe in fate. I don’t believe in the existence of a higher power. I do, however, believe each of us has a calling, something that just fits for us even if we never find it. A chance to stop being the square peg in the round hole, the ugly duckling, whatever. I know that it isn’t what I’m doing, and I know that I’m not finding it by sitting on my ass and complaining. On a related note, I happened upon something I posted elsewhere a while back; I had taken the Briggs-Meyer personality test and posted the results (INFJ):

Being an INFJ means you have a quest to live a life of meaning and purpose, and therefore your career needs to be more than a job, but has to be something that can live up to your principles and feel right. As an INFJ, your intuition is mixed with your strong values, you have a sense of knowing and therefore are natural and comfortable as leaders and work well as such, although you can work as a follower if you are taking directions from someone you fully support, otherwise you will not be happy in your situation.
In the outside world, you place a great deal of importance in having things in order, and having the best system for getting things done, whilst always reevaluating the priorities in your life. On the other hand you can operate internally with spontaneity. Your intuition gives you great insight into things, and you are often right about something, even with little background information.
Your penetrating insight into other people and issues, and the internal way you deal with this, means you don’t easily share what information you obtain about others unless you choose to share it. You are deep and complex, usually private and therefore difficult to understand.
However, as an INFJ you are genuinely warm as you are complex, and you have a special place in your heart for those close to you, for which you can see and feel the depth of your caring. In tune to other’s emotions you avoid hurting other’s feelings. Often the perfectionist, you may wrestle with finding peace as you feel that there is more to improve your world and the lives of others around you. Your high expectations means you strive to exist in a state of continual growth and you easily overlook your own accomplishments.

Like other INFJs, your workplace should be one of creatively and independence. You most likely have a natural affinity for art and the sciences, as well as being found in service orientated positions. You should avoid working with very detailed tasks, or else you be in the other extreme, where you are working so meticulously you cannot see the big picture and can be highly critical of others who are not being as meticulous.

Bulls-eye. No wonder I hate my freaking job. I feel like I’m becoming a wraith. I’m considering writing some short stories, publishing them on Amazon and becoming a filthy-rich internet sensation. I may even take a class or two, though I’m not taking that too seriously. After all, writing is a creative endeavor. Paying someone to teach you how to write seems asinine.

Hire me, world. Pay me for my self-awareness.